Things I Hate About Sports

Now it is obviously no secret that I am a fan of any and almost every sport imaginable, but I have decided to come up with a little list of the things that drive me crazy. Most of these things can pertain to any sport, so no matter if your affiliation lies with anyone from the Red Sox to Manchester United, you can relate. I am not sure how many of these pet peeves will come to mind as I spout them off so I won't number them. Here we go:

Coaches getting too much credit: It happens in every sport. Guys like Bill Belichick, Phil Jackson, and Joe Torre have people kissing their feet and dubbing them geniuses because they regularly take teams to their respective championships. Would they raise the trophy every year if they didn't have the horses, though? We will never know. Personally I think the players win the titles. Let's be honest, my grandmother could have coached Shaq and Kobe, or MJ and Scottie for that matter, to championships. I bet she could handle "Hey Tom, throw it as far as you can to Randy" too. Maybe it's just me but I think these guys get way too much credit. Coaching is important, but playing is more important.

Bulletin Board Material: This is a ridiculous concept to me. Anyone with an ounce of competitive drive inside them should not need someone on the other team to talk a little trash to get you fired up. But most of the time, it's not even real trash talk. Guess what, the guy on the other team is supposed to think his team is going to win. He's not disssing you. Do you expect him to tell reporters his team is going to lose? Lighten up and quit taking it so personal, unless he brings up your mama.

The Victory Guarantee: This goes along the same lines as the previous complaint. Joe Namath did it a hundred years ago and not a single guarantee since has mattered to anyone. We know you think your team is going to win. Guaranteeing it publicly can only go bad for you. Don't be an idiot, just go play.

The people who only show up for promotions: You know who you are, and I am sickened by you. I haven't been to many stadiums other than the ones in Pittsburgh but one particular trip made me hate Pirate "fans". I went to Yankee Stadium the year it was torn down and I couldn't believe my eyes... These people WATCH the game. All of them. Can you imagine? It was sold out and it wasn't even bobble head day. They weren't looking for the mascot to shoot t-shirts or hot dogs out of a cannon. Come to think of it, there was no mascot. Things were happening and the whole crowd was cheering. So to the 9,000 regulars at PNC park, I salute you. To the other 30,000 or so who show up on fireworks night, you should be ashamed.

Members of certain sports being called athletes: To me being an athlete involves the ability to do things with your body that normal people cannot do. Athleticism is defined as physical prowess consisting variously of coordination, dexterity, vigor, stamina, etc. Now I see that stamina is in there, but that alone does not make you an athlete. I may get some flack for this but Lance Armstrong is not an athlete. Marathon runners are not athletes. They have unbelievable stamina and endurance, I cannot deny that. But I could run and ride a bike when I was six.

Athletes thanking God: Let me just say, I have no problem with being religious. But do you really think God helped you score a touchdown? We are all his children, so apparently you think he likes you more than that corner you just burned. I have played and watched sports my whole life and I always thought bringing God into it was kind of wrong. The Almighty has better things to do. Oh and forget about praying for your team to win. How would you like it if someone asked you to root against your own kids.

Fans holding signs: Let me rephrase, fans holding unclever signs. "John 3:16", "Sportscenter is next", and those dumb ones where the first letter of every word spells out the tv network's initials, stupid. Get creative. "Put it in my five hole Sidney", hilarious. "Hey Tony, tell Eva quit calling me", clever. And one of my all time favorites, "Thome is my homie." Either give it a little thought or don't waste the posterboard.

Artificial turf: I don't need to explain.

The designated hitter: But not why you think. I think it is great that guys who can't hack it with the glove anymore but can still be productive offensively still have a spot in the lineup. Just put it in both leagues. I mean come on baseball, I love you. But one sport, two leagues, different rules? Seems dumb. Plus, watching most pitchers try to hit is painful and embarrassing.

That's all that is coming to mind for now. Oh wait. I hate Duke, the Yankees, Notre Dame, the Patriots, Ovechkin, soccer, everything from Cleveland, wait... make that everything from Ohio, beers that cost as much as my ticket, and Stuart Scott. Yeah I said it. Yo dawg, stop saying boo-yah during my hockey highlights.

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