Pirates All-Decade Team... This Explains Alot

The Buccos recently released their all-decade team of the 2000s. Now one might tend to think that an all-decade team would be star studded right... eh, not so much. I mean there are some no brainers of course but there are also some guys I forgot we even had and some guys that just plain stunk, at least in my opinion. So here is what they came up with. Jason Kendall at catcher. Well I guess you have to go with that one, mainly because its tough to name another Pirate catcher from the 2000's. He did hit over .300 from '00 to '04 when he was traded. Then I'm pretty sure we continued to pay him for three or four more years. In fact he might have been the highest paid player on the Bucs payroll and he didn't even play for is. But this isn't the all-decade management team, is it? Plus the guy gave us a memorable ankle break on the 4th of July trying to break up a no-hitter with a bunt. You got to love that. First base was Adam LaRoche. Are you serious? He couldn't hit his ass with both hands. What about Kevin Young or Craig Wilson. Or maybe Randall Simon, at least he hit that big sausage when it ran by in Milwaukee. I think that's more than I ever saw LaRoche hit. Second base went to Freddy Sanchez. Ok that one was an easy one. Shortstop, of course, went to Jumpin' Jack Flash because he was the only one we had for the entire decade. 1,128 games to be exact and I always said that he had exactly what it took to be a Pirate. He was never good enough to get traded and never bad enough to be sent down. Good glove, average around .260 and 50 RBI or so, that's a Pirate for life. The third-baseman was Aramis Ramirez which at first glance I wanted to disagree with until I realized I didn't really remember any others. I checked it out only to find that the guy with the second most games at the hot corner behind Ramirez was Freddy Sanchez. Guess I have to go with A-Ram. Across the outfield they selected Bay, McLouth, and Brian Giles. What about Jeromy Burnitz and Kenny Lofton? Oh you mean they had to be good when they were a member of the Pirates, not five years earlier? Oh and remember when guys like Chad Hermanson and JJ Davis were the future? We believed this stuff. As I look at the starting pitchers, it's hard to find any with an ERA under 4.00, bad start. The experts pick Fogg, Duke, Maholm, Kris Benson, and Todd Ritchie. The problem is that in the last decade the Pirates have had a plethora of decent starters and no good ones. Every one of those guys has a losing record. Yes that's not a typo. Fogg was closest to .500 at 39-42 with a 4.79 ERA, and he was the best of the bunch, wow. Duke is 37-55, Maholm is 38-44, Benson was 32-35, and Ritchie was 20-23. A guy who only pitched 43 games is on our all-decade team. I liked Kip Wells myself. He pitched way more games in a Pirate uniform and had the best ERA by far, plus I have his bobblehead so an all-decade nod might up the value right? If you are a Pirate fan this has to make you sad. To finish up, the best set-up man of the decade went to Salomon Torres, whom I think so highly of that I once turned a "Let's go Bucs" chant into "Torres Sucks." Garrett, you were there. At closer they picked Mike Williams. I liked Matt Capps. But in reality, who cares? We aren't good enough for a closer to matter. And what better man to head up the futility than the manager of the decade, Lloyd McClendon. I couldn't agree more. He got tossed and took first base to the locker room with him, need I say more? Anybody who can go through that amount of misery for such a long time while only rarely blowing a gasket is a better man than I. If I were the skipper I would have probably went into a weekly tirade and beat everything I could find in the dugout into submission with Adam LaRoche's bat, we know he wasn't using it. Let's just hope the 2010s all decade team looks a little better.

Things I Hate About Sports

Now it is obviously no secret that I am a fan of any and almost every sport imaginable, but I have decided to come up with a little list of the things that drive me crazy. Most of these things can pertain to any sport, so no matter if your affiliation lies with anyone from the Red Sox to Manchester United, you can relate. I am not sure how many of these pet peeves will come to mind as I spout them off so I won't number them. Here we go:

Coaches getting too much credit: It happens in every sport. Guys like Bill Belichick, Phil Jackson, and Joe Torre have people kissing their feet and dubbing them geniuses because they regularly take teams to their respective championships. Would they raise the trophy every year if they didn't have the horses, though? We will never know. Personally I think the players win the titles. Let's be honest, my grandmother could have coached Shaq and Kobe, or MJ and Scottie for that matter, to championships. I bet she could handle "Hey Tom, throw it as far as you can to Randy" too. Maybe it's just me but I think these guys get way too much credit. Coaching is important, but playing is more important.

Bulletin Board Material: This is a ridiculous concept to me. Anyone with an ounce of competitive drive inside them should not need someone on the other team to talk a little trash to get you fired up. But most of the time, it's not even real trash talk. Guess what, the guy on the other team is supposed to think his team is going to win. He's not disssing you. Do you expect him to tell reporters his team is going to lose? Lighten up and quit taking it so personal, unless he brings up your mama.

The Victory Guarantee: This goes along the same lines as the previous complaint. Joe Namath did it a hundred years ago and not a single guarantee since has mattered to anyone. We know you think your team is going to win. Guaranteeing it publicly can only go bad for you. Don't be an idiot, just go play.

The people who only show up for promotions: You know who you are, and I am sickened by you. I haven't been to many stadiums other than the ones in Pittsburgh but one particular trip made me hate Pirate "fans". I went to Yankee Stadium the year it was torn down and I couldn't believe my eyes... These people WATCH the game. All of them. Can you imagine? It was sold out and it wasn't even bobble head day. They weren't looking for the mascot to shoot t-shirts or hot dogs out of a cannon. Come to think of it, there was no mascot. Things were happening and the whole crowd was cheering. So to the 9,000 regulars at PNC park, I salute you. To the other 30,000 or so who show up on fireworks night, you should be ashamed.

Members of certain sports being called athletes: To me being an athlete involves the ability to do things with your body that normal people cannot do. Athleticism is defined as physical prowess consisting variously of coordination, dexterity, vigor, stamina, etc. Now I see that stamina is in there, but that alone does not make you an athlete. I may get some flack for this but Lance Armstrong is not an athlete. Marathon runners are not athletes. They have unbelievable stamina and endurance, I cannot deny that. But I could run and ride a bike when I was six.

Athletes thanking God: Let me just say, I have no problem with being religious. But do you really think God helped you score a touchdown? We are all his children, so apparently you think he likes you more than that corner you just burned. I have played and watched sports my whole life and I always thought bringing God into it was kind of wrong. The Almighty has better things to do. Oh and forget about praying for your team to win. How would you like it if someone asked you to root against your own kids.

Fans holding signs: Let me rephrase, fans holding unclever signs. "John 3:16", "Sportscenter is next", and those dumb ones where the first letter of every word spells out the tv network's initials, stupid. Get creative. "Put it in my five hole Sidney", hilarious. "Hey Tony, tell Eva quit calling me", clever. And one of my all time favorites, "Thome is my homie." Either give it a little thought or don't waste the posterboard.

Artificial turf: I don't need to explain.

The designated hitter: But not why you think. I think it is great that guys who can't hack it with the glove anymore but can still be productive offensively still have a spot in the lineup. Just put it in both leagues. I mean come on baseball, I love you. But one sport, two leagues, different rules? Seems dumb. Plus, watching most pitchers try to hit is painful and embarrassing.

That's all that is coming to mind for now. Oh wait. I hate Duke, the Yankees, Notre Dame, the Patriots, Ovechkin, soccer, everything from Cleveland, wait... make that everything from Ohio, beers that cost as much as my ticket, and Stuart Scott. Yeah I said it. Yo dawg, stop saying boo-yah during my hockey highlights.

If you have anything to add to the list feel free to post a comment. If you're not a follower just leave it as anonymous.

Real Madness: Round Two Recap

New round, Same story. My fiancee Kori has officially guessed her way into an almost assured victory, and I'm not even putting up a fight. I mean I ran into a buzz saw on this one. She's killing me. I have lost eight of my sweet 16 teams, 3 of my elite 8 teams, and two of my final four teams. And apparently my national champions lost to some hicks from Iowa. I feel like I'm in one of those bad dreams where you know you are dreaming but you can't wake up. I'm supposed to believe the best team in the country lost to four goofy white guys and a goat? Unreal. Kori, on the other hand, has blindly guessed nine of her sweet 16 correctly, not bad considering some of these upsets. She also has five her her elite 8 teams still alive, two of her final 4, one team in the finals, and her national champ. We are in a pool of roughly 170 people, she is in 4th place. I have a good view of her backside, in a distant 59th place. Thanks Big East. Barring a miracle, I am going to lose to the least educated woman in the history of bracketology. It's official, I'm embarrassed. So here are the predictions for the sweet 16 round:

UNI vs. Michigan State: Ok let's be honest, we all had Kansas winning this one, I know we both did.

Tennessee vs. Ohio State: Kori has predicted both of these teams correctly and likes the Vols to advance. I have Ohio State playing Georgetown, who apparently lost to Ohio like four days ago, hmmm. It's ok, I have the Bucks winning in this round. I'm going down punching people.

Syracuse vs. Butler: Butler, another team I had losing in the first round. How did I do this to myself? I can't gain any ground here, we both like the 'Cuse, even though I liked them over UTEP.

Xavier vs. Kansas State: This is Kori's make or break game. She predicted both of these teams and likes Xavier to knock off the number two seed Wildcats. And if you must know, I have Pitt playing BYU in this game. Get off my back, geez.

Kentucky vs. Cornell: We both have this match up predicted, and we both like the Cats to advance. Sorry Cornell, it's midnight Cinderella, your ball is over.

Washington vs. WVU: Wait... Can it be? Kori has neither of these teams. She has Clemson over New Mexico, (she really stinks at this huh?). I have WVU playing New Mexico but at least I have the 'Eers advancing. How about a little help Big East?

Duke vs. Purdue: I have Duke vs. Siena. She has Duke vs. Texas A&M. Either way we both have them winning in this round.

Baylor vs. St. Marys: Alright, I'm fairly certain the Almighty has spite me. No help here, I had Nova over Baylor and so did Kori.

So there you have it. Can I hang on to my slight glimmer of hope, or will the third round slam the door in my face? I didn't think it was possible to lose to her, I really didn't. And you can't even call what I'm doing losing, it's an old fashioned ass beating. But just like Rocky, I keep getting back up. I need a little help in the next round but I'm not giving up. A couple games go my way and I'm right back in this fight. Cut me Mick!